mmf! Sadness
I don’t really like to post about bad moods. I just feel that it is done so much, and I personally believe that we are required as humans to work against it, to not give in to it but to balance it out, or relieve it from ourselves and each other. Sometimes that’s just not possible; and anyway, sometimes the shadow side of life is important and must be given its due. This painting by Luke Meyer called “Lights” fit my mood this week.
Let’s face it, I fail a lot in life. More than most people, I think. I don’t mind so much. I don’t want or Β expect to be a huge success. I just want to take care of myself and have some fun. The hardest part I think is when I put a lot of effort into something and I get nowhere at all, or move backwards, worse than when I started, which also happens a lot. This happens even with things that should be easy to do, or which other people find very easy to accomplish.

For example, I wanted to take an art class or something this summer to help me with graphic design so I could find more work or get a better job. I really want to go back to the USA. But I can’t find a local or online school that actually gets back to me (an important step!), has a legitimate program (that actually means something to someone and isn’t just a money grab), and that I can afford. I’m worried that even if I find something that it will be too late to apply. It doesn’t really matter, I guess, I can just take some free online classes, but I don’t know if that will really help me get a job.

I am happy when people say that I am a positive influence. I want to improve people’s lives and moods. I don’t want to wallow in sadness. But sometimes it can be a real fight.